Posted on October 19, 2020 by Gwen
Click here for the “Type Four Affirmation Card”
It’s great to be with other E4s. I’m 4/5 working on discerning my subtype.
The comment by Richard about the wings of the 4 in terms of the “dry” experience of abandonment typical of a 5 wing and the “wet” experience of a 3 wing caught my attention as it did another one of the other participants..
I always believed that I had a 3 wing because performance and public image have been so dominant, particularly when I was younger. But when I think of abandonment, it’s not so clear. As the eldest of four children with an extremely dominant and rational father, I learned quickly that crying was unacceptable, So, I never did. With the experience of abandonment, I created an elaborate story around being switched at birth. This was so real on an unconscious level that only in a workshop in my early 30th’s was I forced to admit that it was indeed very likely a fantasy. But I never experienced the objective acceptance that I heard was typical of a 5’s reaction.
So now I’m confused.
I was the 4 who asked Richard about “wet” and”dry” abandonment. To this day I joke with my siblings that I was adopted! I now know of course that is typical of a 4, being different, unique, special! My sisters could always cry easily and I envied them. My mother told me that people who cry easily don’t feel as deeply as those who don’t. I wanted to be like her. It was a hard message to get as a child which I definitely internalised, It certainly fits with a 5 wing. I await further enlightenment on the subject.
Thank you for the response. I still have some confusion around this “wet” 3 and “dry 5 wing business but perhaps it will become clearer as I keep the question in mind.
And you’re right. It appears as if all “4’s” have this sense of being different so we go to adoption or being switched at birth as a way of making sense of it all..
When I heard a speaker say that this was common to all 4″s, I was somewhat taken aback but not totally surprised. The real shocker was hearing about this sense of uniqueness when I was first exposed to the Enneagram. At that time, it was astounding to realize that I was only one among many saying the same thing.
Just got into the stories of Enneagram type 4’s from one of the week one resources. One quote: “I realized that envy, sadness and depression did not have to run my life.” Those 3 characteristics have been defining for me til recently.
Isn’t it powerful when you find those descriptions that go right to the heart. I’m so glad you’re journey is moving you to a healthier place.
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